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Making Friends at an Assisted Living

“Making Friends at an Assisted Living” is a new column written by Rick Weisberg   in the Jewish Journal.  The series addresses the needs of seniors and their families. Take a look:

Senior Solutions

by Rick Weisberg

Special to the Journal 

Q: My mom is considering moving to an assisted living in the Boston area, but I am worried that she will be lonely. She doesn’t play cards and is not one for participating in group activities. How will she make friends? The thought of leaving her there alone is making me anxious.

A: Moving one’s parent into an assisted living can be a traumatic experience for the entire family. Grown-up children often compare it to the first day of school – only this is a reverse scenario! Remember that feeling when you left your child alone at school or day care for the first time? It’s emotional and nerve-wracking, to say the least.

There are, however, strategies you can employ that will help seniors acclimate to a new living environment. First, enlist the help of the Executive Director, Marketing Director and Wellness Director in introducing your parent to other residents. They know all the residents well and can put your mom or dad together with other residents who share similar interests and backgrounds.

Meal times, of course, are key to making friends at an assisted living.  The  staff will place your parent at a table the very first day. If, after a few days, your mom or dad is not happy, do not hesitate to ask – even insist – upon changing tables. Meals are an important part of the socialization process and finding the right table mates is crucial. Sometimes it just takes a few weeks to get the right mix of individuals.

Making friends at an assisted living
Staff and resident relationships are an integral part of the assisted living experience

Staff and resident relationships are an integral part of the assisted living experience. Often, these are the relationships that come first and mean so much to the elders and their families. Keep in mind that staff members visit with residents throughout the day, alleviating loneliness and fostering communications. They are also a terrific resource for the family. Most facilities encourage family members to call or email staff members so they can check-in on how one’s parent is adjusting to the transition.

Recreational planned activities are obviously a great way to make friends. Some people resist scheduled events and that is absolutely fine. But who doesn’t enjoy weekly spa and salon appointments? These routine events inevitably lead to friendships among both the staff and the residents themselves. Encourage your parent to go to the café for a light snack, read in the library or just sit outside on the patio. There are always people out and about.

All assisted livings host family days with special events for the residents and their families. This is a wonderful way to meet new people. Talking with other families who are going through the same situation can be extremely helpful.

Like any new situation, the transition to an assisted living is complicated. But you’ll be amazed how quickly seniors adapt to new surroundings, especially when they are relieved of cooking, cleaning and housekeeping responsibilities. Give it three months and I suspect one day you’ll be pleasantly surprised to see your mom or dad are introducing new friends. In fact, he or she may even cancel plans with you because of a busy social calendar. Now, wouldn’t that make you feel good?

Send questions about senior issues to rick@assistedlivingnationwide.com, call 617-513-7067 or mail to Senior Solutions, 27 Congress Street, Suite 501, Salem, MA 01970. Rick Weisberg is president of Assisted Living Nationwide, a firm that helps seniors and their families find the most appropriate assisted living facility, based on the family’s criteria. There are no fees for his services. Rick is also a realtor and is affiliated Benoit Mizner Simon & Co.

Can an Assisted Living Program (ALP) Help You Afford Assisted Living?

An Assisted Living Program (ALP) can help a select group of seniors afford to live in an assisted living facility (ALF).  In general, an ALP provides daily assistance with personal care services (Activity of Daily Living  and Instrumental Activities of Daily Living. In short, an Assisted Living Program serves as the Medicaid program for the ALF’s.

Designed for those individuals who cannot afford the monthly rental at an ALF,   but otherwise qualify medically to live in an assisted living facility,  Assisted Living Programs are limited in availability. And not all ALF’s offer this program. However, for those individuals who qualify, an Assisted Living Program could be a tremendous resource.

Eligibility:

  • Most ALF’s designate only 10% of the apartments to ALP.
  • These ALP apartments are often full and have waiting lists.
  • Ideally, ALF’s request the individual to pay privately for 2-3 years, and then if one runs out of funds, they resident can apply for ALP. Note that this is a general guideline and changes from one ALF to another.
  • The application process for ALP is not easy, is time consuming, and there are asset qualifications.
  • Often times there needs to be a spendown of assets to the amount allowed by ALP, before an individual can qualify for ALP.

What can one do to get into an ALP program?

If an assisted living residence is the best option for yourself or a family member, there are resources available to help you decide if this program would be appropriate.

  • Research the Assisted Living Program requirements by state and city. Most states have an Executive Office of Health and Human Services website that provides information on the ALP program.
  • Contact an assisted living placement service such as Assisted Living Nationwide to find out the best option in your desired location. Since ALP is a complex issue, industry professionals are usually the best resource. At Assisted Living Nationwide, there is no charge to the elder or family for consultations or services.
  • Consult an elder law attorney or a geriatric care manager who specializes in ALP.

Keep in mind there are many choice in residences for seniors today. It’s important to find the right solution based upon the individual’s needs, financial constraints, desired location and physical condition. Yes, finding the right living option is a complicated process, but talking to qualified professionals is the first step in making the best decision.

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